I’ll admit that there are some days; all I can do is step into the closet, close the door and cry.
Granted, I don’t get to stay in there too long but it is a nice escape.
Here’s an example of an instance when I’ve used this coping method.
I’ve been on hold with the insurance company for 38 minutes and got cut off only to call back and be put on eternal hold again.
Next, I was repositioning Campbell in the bed and her feeding tube got caught and was pulled out. I calmly gathered everything to quickly put it back in because those darn g-tube sites close up quickly.
And the thing to finally push me into the closet, I spilled the last of her liquid seizure medicine all over the counter.
I calmly took a deep breath and turned a movie on for Campbell, kissed her forehead and said “mommy has to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
Instead, I made a mad dash for the closet, closed the door and let the tears flow.
I also may have shaken my fist in the air and let out a few four-letter words that would make a sailor blush. Overly dramatic? Maybe. I was in drama club in high school and I’m from the south, give me a break.
Bottom line, I had reached my limit on patience and didn’t want to fall apart in front of Campbell. Mommy needed a time out.
Now, let me back up a little. The closet I’m referring to is one that Campbell and I share just off her room. It’s actually pretty large with carpet and great lighting. It’s really kind of cozy in there and I’ve often thought of putting in a mini bar. Maybe pipe in some music and hang a disco ball.
But seriously, we all need a break or a moment to compose ourselves when things become overwhelming. A private place to let out all the stress and frustration that has built throughout the day.
I often have to be the one to remain calm and put together during emergency situations. Whether that is a seizure that requires emergency medical care or a misplaced feeding tube, being calm and focused is critical.
Sometimes what seems as mundane or everyday occurrences can hit a nerve and send me over the edge. That’s when the closet comes into play.
Back in the closet, I close my eyes, practice some deep breathing and whatever other relaxation techniques I can recall from Psych 101. I refocus and realize it’s not so bad.
The feeding tube is back in, Campbell is happily watching Helena Bonham Carter kill it playing the fairy godmother in Cinderella, the insurance company can wait until tomorrow and I just remembered I always have back up seizure medicine.
Things often seem much worse in the moment but aren’t so bad when we can step aside and put things into perspective. Take some time to refocus. To simply breathe.
I open the door and step back into my reality and smile to myself as I hear Campbell giggle from the living room. Life isn’t so bad. It’s actually been a good day now that I think about it.
Then I step in a nice “present” our basset hound with an aging bladder left me and start contemplating my next blog post “12 Drink Recipes For The Closet.”